The Struggle Bus

We all go through those times when things seem to be going good until BAM!  The struggle bus uninvitedly comes speeding toward you.  It looks like it might just run right into you and take you out, but instead it  scoops you up and forces you to go for a ride.

Daylight Savings Time was the driver of that bus for me a few weeks ago.  Now, I don’t remember ever being messed up by DST before, but this year was different.  I spent that whole week unsuccessfully trying to catch up on sleep.  Then, the following weekend, we had an event for work.  The event was great, but it meant working 8 straight days before getting a day off to rest.  On top of that, I had been struggling mentally with some thoughts that just didn’t want to go away.  That battle decided to peak the morning of my one day off, causing the “rest” to not come as fully as I needed.  The battle continued for the next several nights.  Then I started a dog-sitting job, which means 10 days of sleeping in a bed that isn’t mine.  

(This is not me complaining, this is me giving you the build up of events that led to the real motivation for me writing this blog.)

After only one night with the pups, I had reached a level of exhaustion that was definitely affecting my mood.

So here’s the good/God part…

The whole time all of this is happening, I realized I had unintentionally been reading and watching things that were talking about renewing the mind and taking your thoughts captive.  Then, a week ago, a friend sent me a video by Dr. Caroline Leaf called “How to Avoid Burnout by Cultivating Correct Mindsets”.   This wasn’t the first time I’ve watched something of hers, but for some reason this video grabbed my attention and made me see that this is something God must be trying to teach me.

Transforming my mind is something I pray about all the time, but evidently still need victory in.  That video led me to watch other videos and before long I was certain that I truly didn’t know how to take my thoughts captive according to 2 Corinthians 10:5.  Then, I watched a video called “How to Deal with Trauma and Overcome Toxic Thoughts & Memories” and knew I had so much to learn.

I found myself in this place of knowing what I needed to do—and what not to do—but completely unsure of how to do it.

So, I spent some time alone with Jesus and asked the Holy Spirit for guidance.  That particular time with Jesus was not like any other time I’ve had.  There was no peace, no overwhelming feeling of His presence and love, no comfort, and no clarity.  That’s when I knew just how serious my struggle was, because my quiet time with Jesus has always at the very least brought me peace and comfort.

The following day, my prayer time wasn’t much better, but I had plans to attend a ladies conference that night so I knew I would have a chance to sit and receive whatever the Holy Spirit wanted to say to me.

The conference was great!  I heard some great messages, had some amazing worship, and spent much needed time just sitting and receiving.  I didn’t get the answer I was looking for, but I left feeling completely refreshed.

Then, I woke up yesterday morning and something happened that had never happened to me before.

I know that God speaks to us and downloads things into our spirit as we sleep, and I’ve gotten some great revelation from dreams that I’ve had, but what God gave me this morning was so different.  As I was waking up, I saw myself standing in the house that represents my heart—the house that I usually spend time with Jesus in—pulling things down out of the air and throwing them into a fireplace.

This was significant to me for a couple of reasons…

First: The fireplace hasn’t always been there.  Jesus added it very recently and, though I felt like I knew why He initially added it, now he’s revealing its purpose.  And I’m not just getting revelation about the fireplace, I’m also realizing that Jesus had supplied me with something I needed way before I knew that I needed it.

Second: When I woke up, I immediately knew that the “things” I was pulling down were the thoughts I had been struggling to evict from my mind.  God was answering my prayer.  I asked for instruction on how to physically take my thoughts captive and He showed me.

The most fascinating part of this for me is that I normally have a routine I go through in the morning before I can even think about talking or listening to Jesus.  Yet on this morning, He didn’t wait for me to take my shower, make my coffee, read my bible, or have some worship time.  He didn’t even wait for me to open my eyes all the way.  It was like He saw that I was about to start stirring and (BLOOP) dropped it in my mind like a text message gif. It was probably the coolest way I’ve ever woken up.

It’s like I can picture Jesus watching me wake up to this scene in my mind and saying with a little chuckle, “Bet you didn’t see that coming!”

And now I am realizing that the conference I attended may not have given me the answer I was looking for, but it gave me the opportunity to empty myself and make room for something new and fresh.