Single and Content

Most people know that one of the things every little girl dreams of from a young age is to one day marry the man of her dreams and have kids. Well.. I’m no different. I wouldn’t say that dream started at a young age because I didn’t have the greatest example of marriage growing up, but it’s been there for a really long time. Even in my early-mid twenties when I claimed I didn’t want or need a man. I had this need to prove to myself that I could take care of myself. Even then, that dream was still there, buried very deep in my heart.

As time went on and I started a relationship with Jesus, that desire grew exponentially. That’s also when I really started to feel the loneliness that comes with being single. Thankfully, I had Jesus—and still do—to turn to when I had a hard time dealing with things.

And as hard as things used to get, I’d say things got even harder when I turned 30. And it took me by complete surprise. I never saw myself as someone who would care about their age, but I found myself on my 30th birthday sitting on my couch, eating ice cream, and crying while watching chick flicks. I was surrounded by people my age and younger getting married and having babies, and here I was still single with no prospects.

Every birthday after that became a reminder of that same fact because my circumstances haven’t even come close to changing. Which also left me never really wanting to celebrate.

So this year when my birthday was approaching, I prepared myself mentally for the depression and self-pity that was bound to show up. But something surprising happened… it didn’t come.

I don’t know if it was because I went to visit my family for the weekend so I was too distracted to focus on any of that or if it was because something had already started to shift in my heart.

You see, for the past few weeks I’ve started to feel ok with being where I am. Single and everything. And not the kind of ok that’s more of a “fake it til you make it” ok. I’ve been there quite a few times. I tell myself—and others—that I’m happy and content, but I was only saying it in hopes that I would one day believe it.

But right now, I really am ok. I don’t know if that desire for a family is lessening or if God is just giving me more grace for this season of singleness for some reason, but I do know that I’ve finally reached a place of being ok. If I meet someone one day and decide to get married, great! If I don’t meet someone and I’m single until I die, great! And I really mean it.

I know this sort of thing can change in an instant, but knowing that I’m ok where I am and it being a real ok… it feels good.

Sometime last year, I asked a very wise woman for advice about being single when I want to be married so badly. The only thing she told me was that, for her, it was about learning to be content with being single.

So here I am… learning how good it can feel to be single and content.

Now, for all my fellow singletons out there… I found this article this morning. It doesn’t say anything you haven’t already heard, but it’s still really good. HAPPY CONTENTMENT!