Rollercoasters and Treadmills

There are so many cycles of life. Sometimes I love cycles because I know eventually a lot of good will be at my doorstep. The kind of good that makes you feel like you are soaring. The kind of good that makes you want to strive to be a better person. The kind of good that makes you feel saturated with God’s love.

But with cycles also come hard times. The kind of times that make you feel like every time you take a step forward in a positive direction there’s opposition that pushes you five steps backward. And though I know that’s life, especially as a Christian, it doesn’t make it any less frustrating.

When you find yourself in a situation that feels heavy—so heavy that you almost feel hopeless—how do you push through? How do you find hope in a cycle of one step forward and five steps back?

It makes me think about how I feel when I get into an exercise routine. I tend to go through cycles with exercise too. Unfortunately, I tend to stick with it for a couple of weeks, maybe a month, and then I allow life to interrupt my routine and get out of the habit.

But let’s think about the part of the cycle where you are in a healthy routine.

Day 1: You wake up on time. You read your bible and you set your mind to exercising before work. You change your clothes, put on the workout video and do it. Afterwards, you feel good. You shower and feel accomplished. You make healthy choices and your attitude changes. After just one day of exercising and eating healthy, you feel like you’ve lost 20 pounds. You know you haven’t, but that’s how you feel. (C’mon, I know I’m not the only one.)

Days 2-20 are pretty similar to day one. But then something happens. A family member is in the hospital. You go on vacation. Work has you on overtime. You are exhausted for one reason or another and your routine is shot. After just a few days of no routine, you feel like you’ve put all that weight back on plus another 40 pounds from where you started.

Twenty steps forward, 100 steps back.

Now you feel worse than you did before you initially started working out. How hard is it to keep going, to keep getting back into a routine, when you know that life is bound to hand you another interruption at some point? How do you push through that break in routine to start up again? How do you find the motivation to take another step forward?

Well, I feel like all of this applies to our spiritual lives as well. And I still have more questions than answers.

Example… let’s say you have a relationship that is a constant roller coaster. You and this person were great friends for years and you had a crush on them for the last several months, but never wanted to pursue it for fear of losing the friendship. Eventually, you both see the potential in this relationship and decide to give dating a try.

The first year is great. You’re getting to know each other on a deeper level. You have more disagreements than fights and even those are minimal. But then something happens and you two seem to not be able to get on the same page. You keep hoping things will change. And sometimes it seems like they are. You two are being sweeter to each other. Thinking about each other throughout the day. Putting each other first. Being considerate. And you think… this is it. I’m going to marry this person.

Then they do something so upsetting that it makes you wonder what you see in them. They didn’t cheat on you or anything like that, but their words and decisions make you question their motives. Which make you take a step back to question your own.

After communicating, apologizing, and forgiving, you both decide to move on. Things get good again. You feel hopeful again. But then the same thing happens again. And again. And again.

This cycle continues for a couple of years and you begin to ask yourself if it’s really worth it. You love this person, but all this running and stopping is exhausting and not getting you anywhere. This relationship has started to feel like a treadmill.

So what do you do?

If you feel like this relationship is God’s will for your life in this moment, but you also feel stuck, what do you do? How do you find the motivation to keep going, knowing that pain is inevitably just around the corner?

We all know that pain, disappointment, and heartbreak are all a part of life. And the bible tells us as Christians to expect trials and tribulations. But does that mean we should also walk right into them intentionally?

Like when the disciples were directed by God to go proclaim the gospel to different nations. Sometimes they had to go to places that were waiting for them to arrive so they could arrest them. And they knowingly went anyway. Yet there were also times when they were told to flee in order to escape arrest and persecution.

So… I know sometimes we may be directed to walk into a situation that will cause us nothing but pain and heartache, strictly out of necessity to carry out the will of God. But is it ever necessary to do it over and over again in the same situation, in the same environment, and with the same people?

This is something that’s been hard for me to wrap my mind around, because I know that God is always working. When we can’t see it, hear it, or feel it, He is constantly working. And according to Romans 8:28, He’s always working for our good.

The only thing I can think is that there must be some sort of lesson to be learned in these difficult situations. Maybe God allows us—dare I say wants us—to remain in these unhealthy relationships because He is trying to teach us something. And it’s not until that lesson is learned that we are able to move on.

And if that’s the case… then I’d like to get the cliff notes and ask that the next test be open-book.