Deep Breath
Deep breath. I feel like I’ve been taking a lot of deep breaths lately. 2020 is over, but the chaos is not. And though I never thought it would be, I also never thought I’d see a day like January 6, 2021. …So many emotions.
The last few days have been pretty wearing on me mentally and emotionally. I started out angry. Angry at Trump. Angry at Biden. Angry at the people forcing their way into our nation’s Capitol. Angry at the times we are living in. Angry at all of the injustices. Angry at so many things.
Then, just when I thought I had figured out what I was feeling and why I was feeling it, I hear about so many other things that the media never covered. With all this new information, my mind has no choice but to spin and question and doubt and wonder and…. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
All I really want to do is scream. Scream and ask Jesus… Who is lying? Who is telling the truth? Why are our choices for leadership so sucky? What am I supposed to believe? How do I process everything and not give in to the fear and anxiety that is inevitable for me? Who do I listen to?
Jesus. That’s who I listen to.
You might think, “Duh, Amanda! You’re a Christian, you should know that by now.” But honestly, it is so hard to really hear His voice at times like these because the world around me sounds so much louder.
So I have made a very conscious decision to simply stop listening to whatever the world is saying. I’m not going to watch, listen, or wait for… the Democrats to start their impeachment process on Trump or for Trump to create his own social media platform so he can say what he wants to say freely or for a 10-day blackout so all of these corrupt government leaders can be arrested quietly or for Biden to take office and shut down the nation or … well, you get the picture.
My point is I’m done. I get that I need to be informed so I can be ready and yada yada yada, but I also know my limits. And I know that I do not have the mental or emotional capacity to deal with any of it anymore. I don’t know how to process it all in a way that keeps me sane and functioning.
It’s hard enough to fight the little battles in my mind that the enemy throws my way on a daily basis, much less trying to figure out if the story the media is telling is accurate, partially accurate, a twisted lie, or just straight-up fiction. I’m sure they are all corrupt anyway, so why bother wasting my energy trying to figure it out?
I felt like I needed to write about this because I have to believe that I’m not the only one feeling this way. There’s no way I’m the only one feeling overwhelmed and ready to throw in the towel. Ready to pool my money with whoever else is interested, buy ourselves a fruitful yet isolated island, build a village, and pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist.
So if you are feeling this way, I want you to know that it’s ok. It is ok to feel like you’ve had enough.
And as long as you have a relationship with the Holy Spirit, then no, you don’t have to keep up with all the happenings. You can take one more deep breath and look towards Jesus. Because no matter what knowledge you do or don’t have, He will guide you and provide for all of your needs. And that you can take to the bank.
“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”