Trust Issues

Lucy was sitting on her father’s back porch, in her favorite chair. She had just arrived, but had not yet gone inside. Between trying to buy a home while facing a possible cut in pay and wondering how she managed to get herself into so much debt, she was mentally and emotionally exhausted. Sitting here, looking out at the lake, gave her a chance to collect her thoughts and maybe formulate an action plan.

Michael was walking through the dining room when he spotted Lucy sitting outside. He was excited to see his daughter, but he also knew that she was in her thinking spot so he silently struggled with whether he should go interrupt her thoughts or let her make her way inside on her own.

“Penny for your thoughts.” Lucy turned to see her father step outside. The look in his eyes expressed his concern for her. She loved that about her dad. Since she was a little girl, she could always tell what he wanted to say by looking at his eyes. Whether it was “I love you”, “I’m proud of you”, or “I’m disappointed, but you’re still my little girl”, she always knew what he wanted to say before he said it.

She turned back to look at the lake, “I was just thinking about work. Trying to figure out how I can afford to buy that house if they cut my pay, especially with my car on its last leg. It’s already so hard to make ends meet as it is.”

Michael sat down in the chair next to her, wishing he could take all her troubles away. “I wouldn’t worry about it, Lucy. It’s all going to work out.”

“How can you be so sure, dad?”

“Because I trust that God is going to provide for you, no matter what.”

Lucy sighs, taking a deep breath, “I wish I could be as certain as you. Things just haven’t been as easy since Tim left.”

Michael knew she was still having a hard time with that, but he also knew that this was a good opportunity to encourage her. “Let me ask you something, Luce. Do you believe that God gave you your job?”

Lucy glanced at her dad, confused, “Dad, you know I do. I told you how that whole thing happened. There’s no way I would have gotten this job on my own. I didn’t have any office experience and my degree is in a completely different field. Meeting Sheila at that Bible study two years ago gave me the opportunity I needed to prove myself. They wouldn’t have given me a chance without her putting in a good word for me. I’m not making much money, but I know there’s room to move up, if I’m given the chance.”

“Ok. And even though I know it hurt—still hurts—do you believe that God allowed Tim to leave because it’s what was better for you?”

With tears stinging her eyes, “Yes. I still love him, but he didn’t want anything to do with my faith. I couldn’t pretend to not love God just so he would stay. Tim made that choice, not me.” Lucy stood and walked closer to the lake. She crossed her arms like she might be able to keep herself from falling apart.

Michael got up and stood next to her. “So believing that God provided that job for you and believing that God allowed Tim to leave was for your good, would you say that you trust God?” “Yes, daddy, of course I trust God.” Michael turns to face Lucy, looks at her with the love that only a father could hold, then asks, “So why are you having a hard time trusting God with this house?”

Lucy wasn’t sure what she was feeling in this moment. Defensive? Frustrated? Mad? Maybe.

“I do trust Him. But I also know that money is tight and this is my first time buying a house by myself. I’ve never done this before. What if, six months from now, I realize that I am in way over my head and I can’t pay the bills?”

“Well it sounds to me like you WANT to trust God with it, but you don’t know how, because this is something new to trust Him with. I just want to remind you Luce, God is not going to bring you to and through all of these things just to abandon you in the next thing. I’m not saying it will be easy, but I know you won’t be by yourself.” Lucy hates how easily her dad can see through her, especially when she can’t see inside herself as easily. But she’s also grateful, because she knows that he’s right and she needed to hear it.

Lucy looks up at her dad, “How do you do that?” Michael smiles knowingly, “Do what?”

“Have the answer for everything.” Michael chuckled, “Oh Luce, God is the one with all the answers. That’s why we should be able to put all of our trust in HIM.”

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Trust. It’s not something I do easily. But through the years, like Lucy, I believe that God has proven Himself to me time and time again, allowing me to build my trust in Him. Trusting people is a different story, but that is a topic for a different post.

Yes, trust can be difficult, but it can also be tricky. I recently had a friend help me realize that I tend to have an easier time trusting God with the big life-changing things, but He needs me to trust Him with the smaller things.

Well, this morning, as I’m having some prayer time, writing to God in my journal, He helped me realize something else about my trust issues. It’s not just the small things I tend to have a hard time trusting Him with, but it’s also the NEW things. The things I’ve never done or the things I’m just not sure about… the things that scare me. Even as I am typing this with one specific thing in mind, God is showing me other things, pointing out a couple of different areas of my life that are new and scary for me. I can hear Him asking me to trust Him with all of it.

Hopefully, that is the goal for this season in my life... to be more like Michael in the story above. Leaning on the fact that God doesn’t just have the answer for everything, He IS the answer for everything. Which is why I can trust God with EVERYTHING. I trust Him with the things He’s already done, but now I need to trust Him in ways I’ve never trusted Him before. And when I do, maybe, just maybe, that’s where all the miracles happen.