I know it’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve posted anything, and that’s because I found an apartment (YAY) and moved in this past weekend. Needless to say, I have been pretty busy getting everything in order, signing papers, paying deposits, packing, moving, and unpacking. And my body is reminding me of it today. It’s so hard to rest when you know there is so much you need to do, but rest is what I’m doing. Thankfully, I had a lot of help from my friends and family, which made things so much easier than it could have been. I appreciate them so much for it!

So last night, I was by myself in my new apartment for the first time. The time alone and a phone call from a friend that I miss dearly gave me a chance to reflect.

I had roommates for the first two years that I lived in Lafayette before venturing off to live by myself. Which I did for a whole decade, with the exception of a few very limited periods of time. Because of that whole decade, it goes without saying that I got used to spending a lot of time alone with myself and I actually quite enjoyed it.

A decade is a long time, too. In that decade, I got fed up and so bored with life that I decided to sell anything that wouldn’t fit in my car and moved across the country. For three weeks. Then I ran out of money and moved back. As crazy as that sounds—and yes it was crazy—it changed my life. I came home, got saved, and began my relationship with Jesus.

That decade was filled with changes, transitions, and growth. It had me thinking that I knew myself pretty well, but the last three years have been full of life lessons and an experience I’ll never forget. Let me tell ya… the things I’ve learned about myself are both scary and priceless.

But the other lessons I’ve learned… well, I could write a book. (Although, it would be funnier if the roommate and I wrote it together and had someone illustrate it for us. We have some pretty hilarious stories! Ha!) Don’t get me wrong, things weren’t perfect. There were disagreements and frustrations, but there was also a level of grace and mercy and friendship that I had never experienced before. And it’s because of that that it feels weird to be on my own again.

It’s weird because we didn’t move to get away from each other. We simply recognized when a season had come to an end. And as hard as it is to act on that, it’s what we both knew needed to happen. We also both knew that God was going to do some amazing things in this new season, but I’m learning that doesn’t make grieving the old season any easier.

Now I know we don’t live far from each other so we can still see each other whenever we want, but I’m going to miss having people to come home to almost everyday. Having other people at home just made it feel more alive, like there was actual life happening around me no matter how inactive I felt like being. And I didn’t know how much I craved that until I was in it.

Yet this time, though I am back to living alone, I don’t really feel like I’m living alone, because I’m such a different person now than I was three years ago. Before, I would sometimes allow the excessive alone time to develop into loneliness and depression. Now, I feel like I can better steward any excessive alone time so that it is spent praying or studying or developing my gifts or pursuing my dreams. And the main reason for that is because of WHO my roommate was and the example she has been to me. She helped uncover parts of me that—I just learned today—had been blocked my whole life.

That’s how I know that God placed us in each other’s paths and we were meant to connect. That’s how I know that God always has a reason for the things He does or allows to happen in our lives. That’s how I know that God’s plans are better than mine, because I was resistant to the roommate idea at first.

We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.

Proverbs 16:9 (NLT)

The scripture above is what comes to mind as I continue to reflect today. Except for moving away from home and planting my feet in Lafayette, nothing in my life has gone the way I planned it long ago. Now, when I say nothing in my life has gone the way I planned, I am primarily speaking of the big events. I’ve planned plenty of vacations and trips and moves, that have gone as planned for the most part. But my life as a whole looks nothing like I ever imagined it would.

I’m now at an age and point of my life where I have to learn how to accept that. I mean, I think I’m pretty good at going with the flow in general, but when it comes to not having the things I thought I’d have by now, I’m still learning to be content. And I’m getting there. Not as quickly as I would like, but getting there.

The lessons and experiences thus far have cost me so much, but they’re too precious and priceless to give back.