The last several weeks has been one big battle for me. It all started with a comment from one person. A comment that not only cut me, but also brought me back to a time in my past that was painful. I know I’ve talked about it already. I’ve talked about it a lot, actually. And even though I’ve had my fair share of battles in life, this one seems to have really shaken me. Mostly because it took me by complete surprise. It honestly felt like it came out of nowhere, so I had no clue how to act or feel or what to say. So I began fighting this battle internally and told myself that I would let Jesus help me process it.

And I did. But I also allowed this battle to distract me.

I’ve been praying, but not with the boldness I should be. I’ve been worshipping, but not as whole-heartedly as I love to. I’ve been reading my bible, but not as intently as I normally do.

I have moments when I tell myself that I need to let it go. I mean, come on, this battle in my heart is over someone’s words! There are far worse things that could be happening. Yet here I am. Tired of fighting. Still trying to heal. Still trying to forgive. Still trying to move on.

Why is THIS battle so hard?

Seriously, I talked to Jesus several times about it. He has helped me forgive people from my past. He has healed some wounds from my past. He has even showed me a lesson—or two—from all of this. So why haven’t I moved on yet?

I mean, I feel like I am moving on, just at a much slower pace than I’d like. It’s like I’m driving away, but I’m only going 25 mph. I like to drive fast, though! I want to leave this parking lot going no less than 40, but I keep pushing the pedal and my car just won’t go any faster. It’s driving me a little crazy. (Yes… just a little!)

Well, this morning I was reminded of something. I’m not supposed to be driving.

I don’t know how or when, but I managed to put Jesus in the backseat. Not even in the passenger seat, because there He could still try to point me in the right direction, telling me to slow down or where to turn. In the backseat. Where He will just sit and watch. He would tell me to slow down or where to turn, but He knows that as long as I’m driving, I’m not listening.

Yet He’s still in the car. He hasn’t decided to jump out. He hasn’t tried to take back His driving job. He hasn’t even tried to force His way into the passenger seat. He’s just sitting back there. Waiting patiently for me to notice Him. Waiting patiently for me to realize what I’ve done. Waiting patiently for me to stop the car and turn around to put my focus back on Him.

And thanks to my friend who knows what I’m going through and keeps sending me messages… that’s exactly what I’m doing right now. I’m pulling the car over, scooching myself to the passenger seat, turning around to look Jesus in the eyes, and asking Him to get back behind the wheel of my life.

Because the message she sent me this morning (When The Battle Chooses You by Steven Furtick) reminded me that just because I find myself in the middle of a battle, doesn’t mean I should be fighting it.

“This is what the Lord says: Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged [by this mighty army], for the battle is not yours, but God’s.” 2 Chronicles 20:15

Thank you, my friend.