I’m reading this book that has me in a very reflective state right now. It’s called “The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth” by John C. Maxwell. (You can find the book here if you’d like.) Anyway, I’m only two chapters in and it’s got me a little messed up.

Have you ever thought your life was on a certain path then God abruptly redirects you? Well, I have. More than once.

I’ve gone from thinking I was going to be a teacher/coach, to an Accounts Receivable Assistant, to a full-time servant in an outreach ministry of some kind, to… I don’t know what anymore. I feel like my journey with Jesus has changed me so much along the way that I can no longer see myself doing just one particular thing. And maybe I’m not meant to…

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

Psalms 37:4 (NLT)

The above scripture used to always tell me that as long as I did my best to please the Lord, then He would give me what I truly desired. However, I recently heard someone speak at a conference who gave me a different perspective of this scripture. They said that this verse doesn’t mean that God will give you whatever you want if you simply delight in Him. It means that when you seek Him first, He will place the desires in your heart that He wants you to have. To say it in a different way… If you seek God first, He will place in your heart the desires that will fulfill the purpose He has for your life.

Hearing that really put some things into perspective for me. Each time I have seen my future change, it put me in this place of uncertainty that always confused me. How could something be so clear one day and then so completely unclear the next? It never made sense to me. Until I heard that scripture explained in that way.

That speaker helped me see that my future wasn’t what was changing, it was me. As my relationship with Jesus grows deeper and deeper, He continues to change my heart. Then as my heart changes, so do the desires inside of it. The desires I had before were mine. I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to be content in an oilfield office. I wanted to do full-time outreach. Now, though? I don’t know what I want. And I’m trying to be ok with that.

Maybe me not knowing what I want means that I have completely surrendered my future, my heart, and my desires to God. I still have things that I would like to do, don’t get me wrong. But, to me, not knowing what I want right now might just mean that I am open to whatever He wants to do with me. However many times He wants to change my path, I’m up for it.

It’s not easy, but I’m learning to be ok with the uncertainty of my future.